It’s not always as easy to do as it is to say. When the shock wears off and the paperwork is done, oh, the paperwork, family and friends go home. And you’re left alone wondering, “Now what?”
Your thoughts drift backwards into what was, because at first, that’s all you have. You find yourself at a standstill, needing time to really think about where to go from here. And it’s easy to get so deep into those thoughts that they drag you down instead of lifting you forward. This is what I call the rabbit hole.
I’m not saying it isn’t good to remember. It is. The birthdays, the holidays, the little moments, those memories are treasures. But if you let them swallow you whole, they can keep you from ever climbing out and moving forward.
At first, I would think about our anniversary and all the things we would have done. Now, I try to flip that thought and ask, “How do I celebrate this day moving forward?”
I used to look at his picture and want to cry, thinking about all he missed: retirement, that motorcycle ride to Fredericksburg, and so many other things I felt he was cheated out of. That’s the rabbit hole. The truth is, you can’t go back to what was; you have to move into what is.
So now, when I look at his photo, I smile. Because if I know Mitch, he’s not missing out on a thing where he is. As my pastor’s father used to say, “the upper room.” A place we can’t even begin to imagine. A place of joy, peace, love, no pain, no tears, and no cars in his way while he’s riding that motorcycle. (Believe me, he wasn’t a saint. Road rage was definitely his issue!)
Back to moving forward. What makes you happy? Isn’t that what your husband would have asked if you’d told him you wanted to take that trip, or try art classes, or learn to dance? Or maybe move to a smaller house? He’d probably say, “Let’s think about it, but if it’s for the best and it makes you happy, do it.”
That’s how we bring honor to them, by moving forward. By living with joy, and by glorifying God with the time we still have. To do that, we have to keep deepening our relationship with Him, showing love and grace not only toward others but also toward ourselves.
Remember the good times, yes, but don’t forget, there are good times still to come.
“But our citizenship is in Heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” — Philippians 3:20
Your Friend,
Paula
