Leaving the hospital in his precious blue Nissan truck without him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. From that point on, there was so much to do that it felt like a whirlwind mixed with a big blur. Can you relate? It was like the beginning and the end all tied together.
Of course, the family who could come in came, and those who couldn’t were there for the funeral after making arrangements to leave their homes out of state. Then the phone calls started, organ donor requests coming in right away, filling me with a bitter rage over the rush. I understood the importance, but give me a break….he had only been gone a few hours. People wanted to bring food, stop by, or console me. All human nature. But me, I just wanted to be alone and figure out what had just happened.
I don’t really recall having time to process the fact that he was gone and never coming back. The person I wanted to ask, “Hey, what do I do next?” was no longer there to make all these major decisions with me. I just wanted to curl up in a big ball and cry until it was all over. My daughter Dawn, the oldest, was there, and I ended up placing most of the responsibility on her shoulders. If you can imagine, there was no Will. Something we always talked about but never took the time to do. After all, time is something we all assume we have plenty of. I’m here to tell you otherwise.
The house had to go on the market, but no one could actually claim it for an entire year. Thank God I was blessed that my realtor chose to buy it and flip it and held out for the year. During that time, I was back and forth from New Braunfels to Harlingen because I had already moved and purchased a home in T Bar M after only living with my daughter for a month. I was going to court to get things approved and notarized, appearing in front of a judge, feeling like I was on trial or something. I had to prove, of all things, that my husband didn’t have unknown children out there other than the three we already have. They eventually accepted that I had sole ownership of everything, which never adds up to much once it’s all said and done. This, I’m sure, you can understand.
So where am I going with all of this? Other than to say we should all have our affairs together and be prepared for the unforeseeable as much as possible. I’m not speaking emotionally because I don’t truly believe one could ever prepare for something like the death of a loved one. Why then are we subjected to so much so quickly? What we need most is emotional space to wrap our minds around this tragic event that has forever changed our lives. How could we be of sound mind to make such decisions? I, for one, had never gone through anything like this. We need counselors to navigate us through it and help us find answers to “What do I do next?”
I appreciated the love and support of my family, but they, too, had so much to deal with. I leaned on the Lord because I was at my very lowest and could not have made it without His presence. I needed the person who stood beside me for 43 years to get me on the other side of the nightmare.
Beauty from Ashes can help bring calm after the storm. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone hold our hands and guide us for at least a little while?
Beauty from Ashes understands and we are here for you. Stay connected and allow us to help you through this journey.
