David Kessler is one of my favorite grief experts. He recently went beyond the classic five stages of grief and added a sixth stage, MEANING.
I know one might think (like I once did), “There is no meaning in my loved one’s death”. It’s hard to see meaning in the pain when we are hurting and our heart is aching. The meaning goes beyond the pain, it’s what is under the pain. When Michelangelo carved, he knew that the beauty of the sculpture was there all along. It was concealed. But it was present from the beginning. He is quoted as saying, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
It’s important to understand that MEANING doesn’t take away the pain. Meaning is in the way we live after someone dies.
David Kessler told a story about his friend’s advice for him after his son died. About a month after his death, someone said, “David, you’re in pain. You’re drowning. You’ll be drowning for a long time but at some point, you’ll have the choice. You can either push off the bottom or stay there.” We have to decide somewhere in our grief journey, if we are going to keep sinking or rise up again. Choose to rise up and choose meaning.
