There was a time when I felt myself waiting and waiting….for something I knew I needed to accept. My heart didn’t want to catch up with the reality of today, without Rob. I had to start to make a life with what I had in front of me, but everything in me wanted to hold onto the dreams I once had with Rob.
He was no longer here to pay the bills, change the oil, remind me to put gas in the car, help me find my keys, help raise the kids, and I no longer had that one person who “just knew” me. He was no longer here for me to love. I was tired and the journey ahead looked long and the responsibilities looked too much to bear.
We need this time of deep mourning. My fears and anxiety got the best of me, and I started to control things that were never mine to control. My trust in God needed to be healed. I had to lay down those fears and trust Him again, without holding back any part of my life. Just because Rob died didn’t mean God didn’t love me or that He had forgotten me…or that He didn’t hear my prayers. In all seasons of life, God’s promises, plans, and purposes for my life were still very much alive. The journey through the dark valley was where I found that peace that surpasses all understanding and where my trust in Him was restored.
My faith grew as I allowed God to fill the holes in my heart. I learned to let go of that panic and anxiety I once had in that waiting place, and God reminded me of His promises. I had to invite Him into the deepest part of me, into all my fears, and what I saw was Him waiting for me. On the other side of the turbulence of fears, was Him reaching out and leading me beside still waters, and that is where I found rest for my soul.
Someone asked me once, “Are you still doing grief groups, what do you all do… just cry?” At Beauty from Ashes, we walk through, not over, our grief journey. We invite Jesus into our pain of loss. Yes, we feel, we cry, and we also experience hope and joy. We grow in a place where there is acceptance, hope, and love. God meets us where we are, and healing begins. Every lady’s journey is different, and we allow it to happen in God’s time and way. We provide a safe place for widows to grieve and we are there every step of the journey, and beyond!
