Did you feel this way in the midst of it all? I did! More than once, I would pray that it would all go away or wish a year would disappear, just to get past it all. That first year was a challenge, for sure. It was hard to muster up the energy to wake up each day and face it. Looking back, I wonder how I ever made it. You cannot really “prepare” for the death of a loved one, that’s for sure. On the other hand, Mitch and I weren’t prepared at all. To be honest, we really never spoke much about dying. I think a lot of it had to do with the kids being grown and us not taking the time to be prepared. We felt we had plenty of time to get things in order. We were only in our 60s. Time, it’s something we all think we have plenty of. We don’t, I’m afraid. Doesn’t it seem like we were just getting ready for the holidays and here we are already deep into January? Anyway, when that time did come and I was alone, losing Mitch, my whole world came tumbling down, and it was the beginning of me putting the pieces together to begin on my own.
First thought, where do I start? If you were like us, you didn’t realize how much “stuff” you have until you start trying to get rid of as much as possible. Let’s just say it was a never-ending nightmare. I had a huge house packed full of furniture and knickknacks, or as I called it, eye candy. You start putting that in boxes, and it makes you wonder, “What in the world was I even thinking when I bought all this? STOP,” as Mitch would say, “JUNK!” At some point in time, you realize how it can really weigh your life down. But when Mitch and I purchased this “stuff,” we were traveling together, having the time of our lives. We thought we needed this and that to make us happy. Also, at the time, I owned an antique shop, so that gave me carte blanche into some of the coolest estate sales. I let Mitch go with me, and boy, did he have a ball sifting through all those treasures. Plus, we were big on the thrill of the hunt, so to speak.
What is it that I’m trying to say? Looking back, Mitch had mentioned more than once that I needed to start getting rid of some of this stuff we didn’t need to begin with. Not to mention, we really didn’t need a house of that size. It was just the two of us and three dogs. They couldn’t care less one way or the other. Right? Did I listen? No. I thought about starting, but it always overwhelmed me, and I figured I had plenty of time. I feel really bad about not taking that time, not only for myself but for Mitch. I wonder about the stress he was under, keeping up a house of that size, not to mention taxes and insurance. Mitch loved his job, and he loved me, but looking back, I wish I had listened and taken the time to get rid of that stuff sooner, or better yet, not have gotten as much as we did. We could have spent that money on more important things, like traveling. We could have and should have sold and downsized our house. We certainly didn’t need three cars, a motorcycle, or a camper. We didn’t own them; I think they owned us. Maybe Mitch wouldn’t have had all that stress that caused the heart attack that took his life. I’ll never know. I have learned one thing, if not much more. Time is of the essence. It is too short, and it’s something you’ll never get back. Use your time to lessen the load of stuff, and use your time enjoying friends and family. You never know when your time is up. Use it wisely. It is the greatest gift of all.
