This is hard stuff. There is no going around it. There is only going through it, even if you try, the grief will present itself over and over again, embed itself, until you turn and walk through the journey. If we don’t take the time to step into the pain, it just goes dormant and it is waiting for you to give it the attention it requires.
Grief is a deep ache that you can’t explain to those that have not walked the journey. I know, some days all you want to do is escape and just go back to how it was, back to you life, and back to how you were. It took me a year to grasp the reality that Rob is never going to walk through that door. I couldn’t wrap my mind around “forever”. I would still hold onto things as though he was going to come home from MD Anderson, and I would say, “Rob, you’ll never guess what happened”, and I would go on to tell him how hard it has been, and about the kids, how much I need him, and how lonely I felt.
God continued to gently tell me to be still, and I just remember how hard it was and to not want to go there. I didn’t want to accept this season. I was tired. I knew I needed to go to the only One that could bring life to my weary soul. All He asked was for me to be still, and trust Him. To be patient and know that my only job was to grieve, and in the deepest part of my grief, is where I felt a deep sense of peace and His love for me.
I found journaling to be very helpful to get all those stuck feelings pulled apart, and lifting them up to the Lord. As I read my favorite devotional, Streams in the Dessert, I would journal what spoke to me and how God is moving in my life. Sometimes the journal entries were back and forth between me writing and Him giving me scripture, a song, or something to remind me that He was near.
Grief has brought me closer to God. He is able to take even the most devastating pain and bring from its ashes something eternally beautiful.
